Sex Therapy: Bring Sexy Back
Two Ways to Restore Intimacy in Your Life
Let’s be clear here: there is a difference between intimacy and sex. Having sex without intimacy and vice-versa can be shallow and unfulfilling. In order to have a happy and enjoyable relationship you need to put time into it. Many counselors will tell you that marriage or a long-term relationship is “work” and you need to buckle down and do it every day. If you always think of your relationship with your significant other in that manner, it will feel like a chore! Discover how these two couples have kept their relationship strong with one another without “working” hard at it.
Cheryl and Rod Perkins – “We Get Away From the Kids!”
During the day, Cheryl works as a speech therapist for a local school, helping children learn to communicate despite disabilities. Rod is in the Navy, working at a local base as an instructor for the search and rescue team. They have three kids under the age of five. Cheryl usually picks up the kids from daycare and school and Rod gets home later in the evening, around dinner time. Cheryl says, “Our house is a loud one. The television is always on, the kids always need help with something and we are never alone.” The Perkins have been married 7 years.
Intimacy Issue #1:
The Perkins feel that the spark is still there, but they never seem to get the time alone to enjoy each other. The lack of privacy has forced them apart somewhat, starving them for much-needed adult affection.
Rather than ignore the fact that they never get time with each other, the Perkins decided to make space for some quality alone-time. They recognized this after they met with a therapist who pointed out that all their time was spent elsewhere and not on each other. Cheryl stated, “We don’t always get to have a whole night every week to commit to a date night. Instead we build intimacy by taking a shower together every morning. We also make tea or cocoa every night after we put the kids down, and sit on the porch or in the dining room or anywhere there isn’t a TV and just relax with each other. It doesn’t need to be very long…but it makes us feel close.”
Bill and Karen Pilarski – “Sex is Boring!”
The Pilarskis don’t have any kids, but that does not mean they have much free time. Bill practices bankruptcy law at his own firm six days a week, while Karen is the assistant director to a large public library in Illinois. While they enjoy a high-quality of life, their relationship at times seems strained. “I sometimes feel like weeks go by before I see my wife, and we don’t travel!”, Bill laments. They have been married for 19 years.
Intimacy Issue #2:
Before they became busy with work responsibilities, Karen admits that their bedroom escapades were a little “boring” and “…just another thing to get done.” As their sex life withered away, it was replaced with more work.
After a heated discussion, they decided to go to a therapist to help them get back on track with their relationship. They didn’t feel like divorce was the right option, but both Bill and Karen felt completely disconnected from each other.
“We are so happy we went to see her [the therapist]. She pointed out things in our relationship that seemed obvious to everyone else, but it was difficult for us to see,” Bill said. She pointed out that a decline in sex life is natural for couples who have been together for a long time. The therapist worked with them for six months, assigning them homework which involved communication techniques and even sex. The biggest thing the Pilarskis regained was a new fire for each other. While work responsibilities did not lessen, they were able to make some adjustments to their schedule. Some things they do now to increase their intimacy include greeting each other with a hug or kiss, or waking up earlier to spend some time together in bed.
Bringing intimacy back into your relationship doesn’t need to be work, but it does need commitment. It comes down to choosing to give and receive affection and communication with your partner. Regular contact and open communication can open up the doors to your sex life. It can help you reconnect with your partner. Most importantly, it will make you feel happy and satisfied.
Tag: Sex Therapy