Make Friends with Your Spouse
Marriage is hard. Somewhere between raising kids, and working full time, and caring for aging parents, you forgot to tend the garden that grows when you foster friendship and love into a family. But not anymore. Now, as spring dawns in Bethesda, couples counselor Keith Miller encourages newlyweds and long life partners alike to take a few moments away from the hustle of the every day, to recommit to what brought you together in the first place:
Strengthen the friendship in your marriage.
Psychologists, counselors and Besthesda psychotherapists agree, the secret to long-term, lasting love is found buried deep within the friendship first forged over shared interests.
Friendship is hard work.
Put in the time. An hour, a day, a week: Find and re-dedicate yourselves to exploring those interests that brought you together, together. Recognize the importance of your time together, but also remember there’s a bit of truth in the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” To be the best friend you can be to your spouse, you must be the best friend you can be to yourself. That means signing up for the Saturday morning yoga class, taking a long bicycle ride, or spending the afternoon at the movies by yourself.
But do things together, too.
Encourage him to tag along to one yoga class a month. Find a babysitter and sneak out to see Hidden Figures before the Academy Awards air this weekend. Exploring one another’s passions can help to re-ignite flames long extinguished and to inspire personal growth as individuals, friends, and lovers.
Be the support system you need in return.
You’ve been through so much together: happy times and sad, angry times and joyful. And together you swore you could weather every storm. Do so with kindness, gentleness, and respect. Use conflict to develop a deeper understanding of her wants and needs, and always follow the Golden Rule.
Communicate.
This is a big one. Professional and personal relationships alike rely on effective communication. Listen to understand and consider the role unspoken language plays in how your partner perceives your words. Hold her hands; look deeply into his eyes. There is much inherent value in the small gestures that say, “I value you and your opinions.” and “You matter.”
And when you need just a little more help making friends:
Consider couples counseling with Keith Miller in Bethesda.
Call 301-202-4621